I love learning words from other languages that perfectly describe a feeling for which English has no equivalent word. Last week I came across a new one and it slapped me right across the face. Torschlusspanik. This German word describes the fear that time is running out. It’s the panic you get when you think that you haven’t done enough with your life, and that if you don’t act soon then you might miss out on more opportunities as time passes. It literally translates as ‘gate shutting panic’.
Well, if I haven’t been unknowingly existing in a state of torschlusspanik for years now. Specifically, I’ve spent nearly every day since my mid-twenties overcome by the panic that I’m running out of time. As if there is some universal deadline to ‘find yourself’ and I’ve been hurtling towards it, still very much lost.
It goes without saying that the age of 30 comes with societal expectation that one should be a proper grown up, which translates as: be successfully scaling your chosen career ladder, be married to your soulmate, maybe have a kid or two, and definitely own property.
It’s the career bit that has been my particular sticking point. I prioritised partying whilst I was at university and others were networking. Then I prioritised travelling after university when others were diligently hopping on the early rungs of the career ladder. Then the years passed, and those rungs remained illusive to me. I was filled with a sick dread, clutched with anxiety, drowning in fear.
“It’s too late!!”
“How come everyone else seems to know what they want to be when they grow up when I have absolutely no clue?”
“If I don’t know by now, then I’ll never know. There’s no hope for me!”
Oh yeah, the torschlusspanik was real.
I actually ended up deleting my LinkedIn profile the week before my 30th birthday because it was so triggering to see people I went to school with achieving things in their career when I felt like I had barely taken two steps forward since then,.
Since becoming aware that this is both a stressful and wasteful way to live a life, I now actively trying to talk myself down off the torschlusspanik ledge. Let me tell ya, it’s been such a relief to start to let go of this feeling. I made the snap decision one day that I would no longer allow myself to wallow in career-related anxiety after an ex-boyfriend insinuated that it might be *a tad dull*. I just said ‘no more’ and I actually listened to myself. If I feel any familiar fears about running out of time starting to creep in, I try to remind myself of the following:
Reality Check-list
A) I own property and that is mine, all mine (well, also partly the bank’s). Does that feel like failing? No, no it does not.
B) I travelled to 50 countries over the course of my 20s. I have been places and seen things that most people can only dream of. Would I swap those experiences to be slightly ahead in my career and working flat out week after week? Absolutely not. (But I also have to remind myself that I don’t have to visit all the places right now. Stop rushing. There is time.)
C) Retirement age in the UK is currently 67 and will probably be 107 by the time I get there. That’s a hell of a lot of time left to spend at work. I am not running out of time. There is so. much. time. left.
And the absurd thing about all of this is that some of those people that were triggering to me on LinkedIn would probably be looking at my life on Instagram with envy and remorse that they hadn’t travelled enough or bought a property and that they were running out time. Everyone’s torschlusspanik looks a little different.
What shape does your torschlusspanik take? I’d love to hear from you about your experience with this. And if you’re needing a hand letting go of it, I’d recommend writing a Reality Check-list like mine above. I hope it helps!
Check out 7 tips to stop comparing yourself to others.
- READ MORE: Changing Friendships in Your 30s
- READ MORE: Is 30 too old to take a gap year?
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I personally try not to think about this sort of thing. I am here as long as I am given and try to make the most of that time. If I spend too much time worrying about how much time I have, I will miss out.
That’s a great mentality if you can achieve it 🙂 Working on it myself
I love learning new words from other languages and the meanings, too. Torschlusspanik fits my life well since I got to my 30s (and 40s…) Deleting a LinkedIn or (some social media for me) has helped! Great post!
Yesss completely agree! Linkedin was such a trigger for me, it had to go. It was a weight off once I deleted it. Thanks for reading, Debbie!
Wow, what a word! I like what you said “Everyone’s torschlusspanik looks a little different.”
The shape it takes is different for everyone.
Absolutely – it manifests in so many different ways but the underlying fear is the same. Thanks for reading 🙂
I am definitely feeling this now, that I am in my 40’s. I feel like I have wasted a lot of time. But, I am a mom and my focus has been raising my kids.
It seems like many of us feel the same way, but our thoughts aren’t facts! I’m sure that you’ve achieved a lot more than you feel you have. Try writing a reality check list of your own. Sending you love <3
I definitely feel that and I’m 27, I know there is time but it’s hard when you see people moving forward and I’m a bit stuck
I can relate!! There is so much time, but it can be hard to really believe that at times.
This what I love about learning other languages. There are phrases in Japanese language that don’t have equivalent words in English. Every day I learn new things and it widens my perspectives.
For sure! Thanks for reading, Beth 🙂
To be honest, we can’t stop ourselves thinking about it most especially when see other people moving forward.
For me, I trusted God in everything I know He has a great plan for me. I will wait while continuing to do my thing.
This is such a good reminder to work on our perspective! It’s not easy to do but this was insightful!
Thanks, Ann. It’s all about perspective 🙂
I have anxiety pretty bad about time flying by too quickly and me running out of it. I still have so much I want to do and see with my husband and my kids and just for me. But…you’re right. I do have so much left. I need to stop wasting it by being anxious.
It is hard when you have so many plans, but how lovely to have all those things still to look forward to! Hope this helped a bit 🙂
Aaawwww….I am sorry you were left feeling that way, Lisa. This fear really grabs all of us at some point but that doesn’t mean everything is rosy, for those that have ticked off the boxes of life, considered good-looking.
Thank you, Ntensibe. Feel much better about it all than I did once upon a time!
I love that word! Not that I could pronounce it of course! Another thing to remember for your mental health is never to compare yourself to other people! I learned this a long time ago, we are all on our own journeys. Be patient, it sounds like you have had an incredible journey so far, take the time to cherish what’s next!
You’re right! It’s all about perspective and being grateful for what you do have rather than always wanting more and more.
I think we all experience that from time to time with different aspects of our lives. I try not to let it affect me as much anymore but I still struggle with it from time to time.
Good for you! It’s freeing to move through it 🙂
Good to know a new word every now and then! At this point of my life I have realized that I have done so much and that I dont have to rush things.
That’s great! Hopefully many more great things to come for you too 🙂
This new word, your post was a reality check for me. We truly are running out of time. But yeah, thanks for the reminder though.
Oh no, that wasn’t the intention! I had hoped to make you think we weren’t running out of time at all!
Seems like torschlusspanik is synonymous with “mid-life crisis!” I’ve been through it and the good news is that on the other side of it is a stronger gratitude for what you HAVE done and and an excitement for what is yet to come!
Oh good, something to look forward to then! hehe, no I agree completely as I have come so far from where I was once and it’s rosier on the other side for sure.
I also think about this too but good thing recently, I’ve learned to just enjoy time as it passes by. This means taking things slow for each moment to be truly enjoyed.
Becoming aware of your mindset around this is the first step towards being able to live in the present. Glad you’re there!
I like the idea of reaity check list and I just recently starte doing it. And it helps me a lot. This is informative post!
Thanks for reading!
Oh my gosh did this hit close to home for me. My husband and I just had this convo!
It was like a sucker punch to me when I first heard the word! Hope it’s helped you 🙂
Life is indeed short, however, I accepted the reality that I will not be around forever. Thus, I choose to enjoy every single day of my life with the people closer to me, and also give back to the community that welcomed me home.
That’s lovely! Thanks for reading, Blair