Throughout my twenties, my birthdays were always well celebrated, but they were also a source of fear about getting closer to 30. I started having full blown panic attacks about each birthday after the age of 24. However, I recently turned 32 and my birthday came with absolutely no stress, worry, or anxiety about turning 32.
If I was so worried about inching closer to 30 back then, shouldn’t I be stressed about getting even older than 30 now?
But I’m not. Not even a little bit.
So why aren’t I stressed about birthdays anymore?
Society puts massive pressure on us to have every aspect of our lives sorted by the age of 30. It’s this magic age after which our lives and worth supposedly go downhill.
Perhaps back in the days when the average life expectancy was 37, then you’d expect to have achieved most of your life’s work by 30. These days? We’re just getting started at 30!
The societal expectation to have it all figured out meant that as 30 loomed closer, I felt huge amounts of pressure. I didn’t have it all figured out (who does?!) so I felt like I was failing in some way. Each time I had a birthday – 26, 27, 28 – I wanted to slam the brakes to give myself a bit more time to
- Meet the love of my life, date for 3 years, be engaged for 2 years, then have the perfect wedding
- Climb to the top of the career ladder
- Have 3 children with exactly 2 years between each
- Buy a holiday home
- Join a country club
All that whilst also finding out who I really am, healing all my mental health problems, and somehow having fun along the way.
Sound realistic to you? I don’t think so.
If you’ve also fallen for society’s myth that you’re running out of time, then this article is for you. (Opens in new tab).
Turning 30
Anxiety-inducing birthdays came one by one until the inevitable “big birthday” arrived. I turned 30 back in 2021 which was was an emotionally rocky time for me. I certainly didn’t have all/any of the things on that list ticked off but there was a semblance of relief that it had finally happened. That it was no longer looming. I had turned 30 and I was OK.
Phew.
If anything it felt like life was on an uphill trajectory, not the downhill slope I was warned about.
‘Hmm,’ I thought, ‘maybe there is life and joy and time beyond 30 after all’.
Each birthday since then has been light and free from stress. The pressure is off. There is no longer an arbitrary societal deadline that dictates what I should achieve and by when.
I can continue to figure “it” out one experience/mistake/day at a time, at my own pace. That is very freeing.
- READ MORE: 12 Things to do Instead of Settling
- READ MORE: Changing Friendships in Your 30s
- READ MORE: The #1 Sign That You’re Settling in Your Relationship
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Cool post! Birthdays have always been an exciting thing for me to look forward to. My boyfriend however starts feeling anxious every year around that time and I believe it’s because he also thinks he’s running out of time or something.
I hope that he manages to drop some of that pressure from himself as well.
Happy belated birthday! This article is helpful to read at any ‘milestone’ birthday. Luckily I don’t have anxieties associated with aging, but know so many people who do. This is a good article to send to a few friends of mine.
Thank you 🙂 feel free to share with your friends if you think they’ll get something out of it!
This is such an important post! So many women resonate with this yet few talk about it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thanks for reading, Valery
Yay! Birthdays should never come with any pressure especially not with things that “society” thinks you should be doing or have at a certain age. That pressure is just unnecessary and I am so glad that you now feel that way. Happy belated birthday and here’s to a many many more.
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
Thank you, Maureen. It’s all up from here 🙂
I feel this so much! I was married and had two kids before I was 30, but I used to stress about the birthdays as well. I just turned 35 last month and feel perfectly fine about it. Now if only my kids could slow down a little, that would be great!!
Haha, if you can’t stress about yourself getting older then you can’t stress about them getting older either!
This is a very inspirational post. You are so right, there is so much messaging about needing to be at certain points of life by certain ages. This is a great reminder that there is so much than after 30, thank you!
Thank you, Nia. If we’re lucky then the majority of our lives is still to come after 30
Birthdays are definitely better after 30, and even more after 40. I always include my friends at a local bar since my 40th to join in. I don’t even need presents. I think after 30, I just wanted to spend time with friends, and now even more so. Thanks for sharing this post.
I agree that presents are less important than spending time with loved ones. Thanks for reading!
I just turned 29 and I felt so much pressure to be married and have kids already but this article reallt saved me. This article is like specifically written for me. Thank you so much.
Wow, that’s great. Being able to help someone else with the things that I have struggled with previously is a blessing. I hope that you start to feel better and better about these things!
I agree. I turned 30 last year and, while I felt caught out by the whole thing, I found it easier than any birthday in my late 20’s. Now I’ve hit that milestone and I’m ready to do more with my life in my 30s!
Agree completely! So excited for the decade ahead, no dread
This is a really great post to read. Belated Happy Birthday! I’m absolutely agree with this, thanks for sharing this with us
Thanks for reading, Richelle
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about this. I really enjoy reading this article. Thanks for sharing this with us
Thank you for reading 🙂
This is such a relatable post. I still don’t understand why the society is so ridiculous about the age 30. As if you have to do everything best till 30 and then the end.
Ridiculous is the perfect word!
I completely agree with this. The best part to me is not having to stress about birthdays anymore.
This is such a great article to read especially those people that is scared of being 30. But for me, it has no problem at all! It’s just a number and there’s also a saying that life starts @ 40. So we have another 10 years to be productive. 😀
I completely agree with you, I am turning 29 this year, yet I could relate.
Society can only put pressure on us when we allow it. As we get older we have less interest and care less about these things thankfully and can do what suits us. I think we often feel better once we reach this stage.
Happy belated birthday! I really enjoyed reading your perspective. I have worked so hard to work against that “running out of time” feeling and just do things at my own pace. It’s interesting that life gets much easier once we slow down and do things at our own pace.
Nnniiiccceeeee….personally, I never felt this way as I celebrated my 30th birthday. Everything was just normal. I like your last line of the blog, “I can continue to figure “it” out one experience/mistake/day at a time, at my own pace. That is very freeing.”
Being older than 30 I will tell you many change their path in life, numerous time. Birthdays to me are celebrating life. If you can’t do that you need to find some other support to help work on being happy.